A chaotic mind

Heart is  racing 

Head is throbbing 

Thoughts are  clashing 

Eyes are tearing 

Thinking of ways to express  anger .

There is sick to worry about 

There is sorrow about lost friend 

There is ambiguity about relationship 

There is bungle in the career 

And the pile keeps on adding up

There is so much in mind 

So much of clatter 

I come home cry my heart out.

To settle out 

To dry my eyes to sleep. 

Every cloud has a silver lining

 I have a good life. Really good one.  Seen as a well-performing and good person. (I hope so)

But deep down undergoing a struggle. A silent one.

Everything starts fading.

I become lackadaisical.

Once my favorite activities seem far remote.

Work quality diminishes.

I just stand there crying at my workplace.

Yes, no one can know.

I wake up two hours before my work time yet can't get out of bed.

Confused if I have to cry or deal with the palpitations I am experiencing.

I declare it normal. Convinces self " You have been like this ".

Two weeks pass by situation worsens.

I realize I'm off my medications.

I show up to my doc and convince her to change my meds.

All I get is a disgusting look from her and a cold " Doctors are the worst patients"

Two weeks of restarting the medication. Felt like I was only on a placebo. No better only worse.

 I was just a biological molecule.

More like an amoeba, mere presence and gulping stuff to stay alive.

The workplace felt like hell, And I felt miserable.  

I decided to share it with my friends. 

Of course, they were trying to support me but wouldn't understand the gravity of suffering or PGI would make them busy.

Brought up the courage to get help from my parents, all in vain.

If a mom can not empathize no one else would.

I decided to put myself into a bubble.

Away from human contact. Minimized any unwanted anxiety trigger as much as possible.

3 weeks of medication.

I start feeling better. Started laughing again, Started loving my workplace.

As happy as ever.

All I understood is Its okay to go through a phase. And its okay to do it alone.'

I like my presence in this universe. And I m valued.

Mere thought of going through this sends chills.

Hoping for  good mental health accompanied by physical health as well.

Happy new year . All my cuties :)

Thani Oruvan

Thani oruvan

Feast for your boredom.
It's time for Jayam Ravi's fans to roar.
For people who are like me moving the way where life takes you .. Stop it and think over- Says the movie. Believing in one idea and living to achieve that idea is the hard core of the subject .


‌Two heroes in the movie - A hero is always the one who takes lead of the movie. But this movie  seems all the more different.The cheer what Arvind samy gets when he does something evil smart is more than what Jayam Ravi receives. Arvind samy is not portrayed as a villain but a hero. I guess one of the reasons why this film is  doing the rounds is because of this old yet handsome guy.

‌Jayam Ravi has done his best as an actor asusual  . The perfect IPS officer which one would dream of . Nothing  much to comment about . If you are one of his die hard fan ,then you can be like awwwww! ^_^  at his charm.

‌Nayan -  Nowadays cop related movies doesn't have anything to do with the female lead . But this plot has nayan with a  character well synced with the movie right from lights off to lights on. Beautiful pretty, naughty and fit as always . Best fitted for the role.

‌Tunes
   I was wondering whether there were any songs in the first half. May be I was so much involved in the movie .But actually  there were 5 songs where only one got registered in my mind "kadhal cricketu......"
Good job hip hop tamizha :)

‌Story & Direction
         I wonder where Raja got this idea from . He kept hitting on pharmaceutical companies, patents and clinical testings. Must be true happenings .  Director kept the audience in anticipatory mode always . Brilliant twists and turns . May be his brain is fully loaded ! So much that he writes punch dialogues for the  negative hero . " antha andavane epavume nalathu pana mataru naama ena"

One quote which made the whole story -
Un ethiri yaar endru sol Ne yaar endru solgiren
Na en ethiri ah select paniten apo nenga?