I have a good life. Really good one. Seen as a well-performing and good person. (I hope so)
But deep down undergoing a struggle. A silent one.
Everything starts fading.
I become lackadaisical.
Once my favorite activities seem far remote.
Work quality diminishes.
I just stand there crying at my workplace.
Yes, no one can know.
I wake up two hours before my work time yet can't get out of bed.
Confused if I have to cry or deal with the palpitations I am experiencing.
I declare it normal. Convinces self " You have been like this ".
Two weeks pass by situation worsens.
I realize I'm off my medications.
I show up to my doc and convince her to change my meds.
All I get is a disgusting look from her and a cold " Doctors are the worst patients"
Two weeks of restarting the medication. Felt like I was only on a placebo. No better only worse.
I was just a biological molecule.
More like an amoeba, mere presence and gulping stuff to stay alive.
The workplace felt like hell, And I felt miserable.
I decided to share it with my friends.
Of course, they were trying to support me but wouldn't understand the gravity of suffering or PGI would make them busy.
Brought up the courage to get help from my parents, all in vain.
If a mom can not empathize no one else would.
I decided to put myself into a bubble.
Away from human contact. Minimized any unwanted anxiety trigger as much as possible.
3 weeks of medication.
I start feeling better. Started laughing again, Started loving my workplace.
As happy as ever.
All I understood is Its okay to go through a phase. And its okay to do it alone.'
I like my presence in this universe. And I m valued.
Mere thought of going through this sends chills.
Hoping for good mental health accompanied by physical health as well.
Happy new year . All my cuties :)
